The Inexhaustible Gospel

I've recently joined a church that is teaching me to "preach the gospel to myself" everyday. Having been a believer for over 30 years, one would think that there would be no need for that by now. Well, I'm learning that the gospel is the power of God (Rom 1:16).

The atmosphere and discipleship at this church is also revealing sin in my life as never before. Not scandalous sins, but sins that one could possess, verbalize, and even act on in most church settings and no one would ever blink. These are called, I'm learning, "refined sins". Oh, just to name a few, impatience with others, judging others, being prideful, fear of man (seeking to please people more so than pleasing God), being self-seeking, self-absorbed, self-sufficient, uncharitably judging others, gossiping. Need I go on?

Throughout my Christian life, people would say, "You're such a good person". More often than I'd like to admit I would believe them. I mean, all I had to do was look at the wreckless disregard for God all around me and it would be easy to believe. Yep, I could seem like a pretty good person if you looked at it that way. But through God's eyes? Wow. Never, never, never would I appear "good" up against His holy standard of perfection. It's only because of Christ that I can approach God - forgiven. As Jerry Bridges says, "Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace".

Now, as the realization of my sinful heart is setting in, I long to give glory to Him for any shred of goodness that may be found in me. I just need to learn the words, the humility, and grow in my courage to do so. There's the fear of man right there. How can I point out that, I'M A SINNER without having a false humility about me. I suppose the more keenly aware of the sin in my life everyday, the more REAL humility will happen.

As I grow to understand the gospel more (and my desperate need of it), the light shines brighter on the sins that I've not been able to see in the dim lighting. Marinating (as it were) in the gospel seems to be turning up the lights and allowing me to see the "refined" sins. Seeing these come to light drives me to the cross for the forgiveness I had almost forgotten I needed. It's dangerous as a believer to compare ourselves with others and find their sins more grievous and scandalous than our own. That can lead to pride and a false sense that we are in fact "good".

I am LOVING the book I am currently reading, The Discipline of Grace by Jerry Bridges. This book is really helping me to grow in the areas that I've mentioned in this post.

Seeking Out My Sins

Just a few months ago I asked the Lord to reveal my sins to me (risky, I know). Being the prideful person that I am, I thought the search for my sins would take awhile. Because of course, my sins would be hard to find - right? NOPE! Right here, staring me in the face, moment by moment I find PRIDE. Aggh!

But He gives a greater grace Therefore it says,
" GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE." - James 4:6

Okay, I'm thankful to have my eyes opened, but my goodness it hurts and (because of my pride) it's embarrassing. Have I been this prideful my whole life? Yuk!

I've also realized that my pride is most evident around my mother. Does anyone else have this problem? Let's say that I've lost something. My mom could ask me an innocent question like, "Did you check in the car?" I instantly bristle and think to myself, "Of course I checked in the car - that was the first place I looked! What? Do you think I'm stupid?" Then, my friend could ask the exact same question with the same tone of voice and my answer would be a simple, "Yes", without all of the emotional baggage attached. What is up with that? I hate it. I've hated it all of my adult years, but now it bothers me more because I finally recognize it as sin - Aggh! The sin of pride.

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel. - Proverbs 12:15

One thing that has been helping me to recognize pride in my life is a list from Nancy Leigh DeMoss entitled "41 Evidences of Pride". Here are 16 of them:

1. Do you look down on those who are less educated, less affluent, less refined, or less successful than yourself?

2. Do you think of yourself as more spiritual than your mate, others in your church? Do you think of yourself as more spiritual than other believers you know?

3. Do you have a judgmental spirit toward those who don’t make the same lifestyle choices you do . . . dress standards, how you school your kids, entertainment standards, etc.? Now maybe you don't think you do. If you wonder on some of these, you may want to go ask somebody who knows you really well. "Do I come across that way, as having a judgmental spirit toward those who have different lifestyle choices than I do?"

4. Are you quick to find fault with others and to verbalize those thoughts to others? Do you have a sharp, critical tongue? We would call it discerning, analytical.

5. Do you frequently interrupt people when they are speaking? What we are saying when we interrupt is that what I have to say is more important than what you have to say. It's pride.

6. Do you frequently correct or criticize your mate, your pastor, or other people in positions of leadership (teachers, youth director, etc.)? Think about the people who are involved in your life, people in leadership.

7. Do you often complain about the weather, your health, your circumstances, your neighbors, your job, church? Complaining. How's that pride? You think you deserve better. It shouldn't be happening to me.

8. Are you proud of the schedule you keep, how disciplined you are, how much you are able to accomplish?

9. Are you driven to receive approval, praise, or acceptance from others? Do you get hurt if your accomplishments/or acts of service are not recognized or rewarded?

10. Do you worry about what others think of you? About your reputation or your family's reputation? By the way, that's one thing that motivates a lot of parenting, isn't it? With mothers, "What are people going to think if my child is this way?" That can be pride.

11. Do you generally think your way is the right way, the only way, or the best way? Think about how you go about cleaning up your kitchen (or whatever) and then your spouse comes along and he/she does it differently. Is your way the right way?



12. Do you have a touchy, sensitive spirit? Easily offended? Get your feelings hurt easily?

13. Do you have a hard time admitting when you are wrong?

14. Do you have a hard time confessing your sin to God or others? (not just in generalities but specifics) We all say I need to be a better woman. I need to love the Lord more. I need to read my Bible more. But when it comes to the specific issues. "I'm in love with food. I'm in love with television. I love entertainment more than I love God".

15. Do you become defensive when you are criticized or corrected? That anger that wells up. What is that? That's a fruit that grows on the root of pride. Why do we get angry when somebody criticizes us? We may not express it outwardly, but inwardly. Because our pride gets hurt.



16. Are you sitting here thinking how many of these questions apply to someone you know? feeling pretty good that none of these things really apply to you?

Isn't it crazy? Every time I turn around these days I see my prideful heart acting and reacting to all of life. My heart has been this way for almost 40 years and I'm just now beginning to see it. If you'd like the more exhaustive list of evidences of pride, click here.

I've always thought of myself as pretty obedient to scripture and therefore not that big of a sinner (as if there are big and small sinners in God's eyes). I've "prided myself" in thinking that I've NEVER done any of the BIGGIES anyway. Well, since that fateful day, when I prayed that fateful prayer asking God to open my eyes to my sins, I've been amazed at the "Biggies" I'm guilty of. Here's one example from a quiet time recently:

You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. - James 4:4

Adulteress? What? Okay - that's a biggie!! Oh, there are so many times that I am a friend to the world. I am so thankful for Jesus when I read that verse. Without Him I am an enemy of God. As these truths have been revealed to me, I have been dying inside. I've been sad, overwhelmed, and downright humbled over the extent of my pride. Yet because of His mercy, I am not feeling discouraged even though more and more sin is being revealed to me.

And to further expand my idea of what sin is, I've been memorizing the following verse.

Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin. - James 4:17

Wow - this comes in to play with parenting just about every hour. I mean, I know I should get up from whatever I'm doing and go resolve a conflict or discipline a disobedient child. But instead, I choose to keep doing what's important to me at the moment. Is it sin? Yep!

The Lord has been faithful to answer my prayer and continues to reveal my sins to me (#8, #9, and #10 above are prevalent in my life). The more I realize that my heart is only evil continually (Gen 6:5), the more thankful I become for God's truly amazing grace. My worship has become deeper, more real, and more important to me as my sins have been revealed. How sweet is that?

Deep Thoughts

Being new to Blogittyville and not having ventured far and wide in it, I have a limited view of this "place". I have skipped around a little bit, but for the most part I have stayed within a circle of bloggers that are Christian moms. I have been amazed (and pleasantly surprised) by many of the posts. Your heart for the Lord and your desire to live for Him come through loud and clear. I continue to be amazed by your ability to express your thoughts in such beautiful ways.

Proverbs 27:17
Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.

You ladies sharpen me! Bring it on! Keep challenging me! However, the depth of thought on many of your blogs has been both challenging and troublesome for me. I began to ask myself: How do they have time to develop such deep thoughts? Am I too busy? Am I just living on the surface? Am I even capable of thinking deeply anymore? In essence, I began to compare myself to you as I read your blogs. Now comparing ourselves to anyone can be just down right discouraging. That's a topic for another post.

But, isn't it amazing how subtle pride is? I have wallowed around for weeks thinking that I "needed" to post something more thought provoking or more spiritual to keep up with you ladies (little PRIDE slipping in there ya think?) What a twisted way to look at things. This is not a competition. We are all gifted in different ways and you are using your gifts in wonderful ways.

Romans 12:4-6

For just as we have many members in one body and all the members do not have the same function, so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, each of us is to exercise them accordingly...

May the Lord put to death my desire to "keep up" with the "Blogger Reflection Award" winners and just post what He puts on my heart.